Saturday Night Dengue Fever

We are in the midst of a major Dengue out break here in Cebu. Several co-workers and their family members have gotten dengue this year, luckily with no fatalities. But for many of those here, particularly young children without proper access to treatment, their lives will be cut short by this deadly disease. It’s a constant reminder living here of how fortunate we were to have grown up in the place and situation we did. I saw Fight Club for the first time last week. The pounding rain on the roof of our place made it so hard to hear at times that we had to pause the film; sometimes for up to 20min at a time until the rain subsided. Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) says at one point, “We are not special. We are not unique. We are the same decaying matter as everything else,” which left me thinking about all the time I’ve played the story of my life in my head. My wants and needs take center stage as I close my eyes and replay old acts of the story in my mind; going over what should have or could have been, still hoping there is a triumphant happy ending at the end of Act 3. Will remaining ambitious and always wanting more lead to the path of success or just leave me always unsatisfied with my position in my career and my personal relationships? Why do I a dream to be something important and notable and why should I be disappointed if I am not? It’s Monday night after work and the employees have gathered behind the studio at the Tiki Bar, many of them indulging in a beer and a bit of self-pity. They came here to be something great or at least be a part of something great. They thought they were something special and they deserved better than the reality of their current situation and maybe they’re right. But behind the Tiki Bar there is a metal fence with a bulkhead to the sea. At low tide some children from the houses next door climb up onto the bulkhead and peer through the fence, hoping someone might stop and notice them. The smile on their faces and happy disposition masks the complete poverty that they live in. There are about 10 kids in all, brothers, sisters and cousins. Sometimes they have to alternate who eats on what day because there is not enough food for everyone. One girl’s 6 year old sister just died of a heart condition because they could not afford treatments. Another girl lost one of her arms in a fire when she was younger.  Tyler Durden may want to sign these kids up for Project Mayhem because they are certainly accepting of the idea that they may die at any moment and I don’t think anyone tells them everyday that they are special and deserve better. I’m sure they would like to hear someone say it even if they didn’t really believe it.  I think if Mr. Durden was next to me at that moment I would have to disagree with him. I don’t know why, and I certainly don’t think I deserve it, but for some reason beyond my control I am special. This I know simply because I am here now standing on this side of the fence as opposed to being one of these children on the other side starring into an unattainable world. I am not saying people should worship the ground I walk on, that’s not what I mean when I say special. I don’t deserve something more than anyone one else because I think I am special.  I have been blessed in this life and being here is a constant reminder of that. I’ve been given it all, love, health, safety, support and opportunity and I grow more and more thankful for that with every day I spend here. With all I have been given in my life, I can’t help feeling obligated to take it and turn it into something great and if I fail along the way I won’t run off and join basement bare-knuckle boxing club to make up for it, I’ll simply wake up the next day and say, “thank you for letting me live another happy day” and I’ll try again to do something great until I succeed.